You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
