His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
