Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize