I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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