He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
