My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
