He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
