just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
