Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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