I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
