We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
