I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize