I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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