After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
