This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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