its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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