You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she woke up with a sticky ear
im holly from the hills drunk
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
