1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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