We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
