Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Christians are straight up FREAKS
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
