I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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