if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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