This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
