My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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