I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
