During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
