So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
