even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
