You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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