he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
