So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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