I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
