I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
