This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
