It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
