can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
