Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
