I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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