A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
