I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
