he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
