I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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