how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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