I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
