I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
