My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
