Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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