as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
