I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
