to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
