Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
