Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
