Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
