btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
