last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
