remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
