Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
