I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
