this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize