guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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