Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
