On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
