you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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