I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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