I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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