Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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