I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
