I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
